


Theoretically Sound, But Constructionally Disastrous

by jumpstarts



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Alternate Universe, Heechul Is Not (Really) A Pimp (He Just Has Friends In Questionable Places), M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 10:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17578841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumpstarts/pseuds/jumpstarts
Summary: Yunho hires an escort for Jihye's wedding. Shim Changmin, as it turns out, is worth every single won.Unfortunately (for Yunho).





	Theoretically Sound, But Constructionally Disastrous

**Author's Note:**

> it's the wedding date rip-off nobody asked for. :D insomnia does funny things to your head.

 

Heechul, as Yunho has long suspected, is flat-out crazy.

(Which he would never actually say to Heechul’s face. Because one, Heechul is his best friend and two, he rather likes being alive.)

“Why not?” Heechul lounges on the couch in a very shiny, sequinned jumpsuit. He looks like he’d just walked out of a psychedelic costume party. “Everyone's doing it.”

Yunho resists the urge to ask who ‘ _everyone_ ’ is. “I'm not buying a hooker.”

“They're called escorts. You're gonna have to pay extra for intercourse, but never agree if they make the offer first. Those are usually undercover cops.”

Yunho stares at him, torn between curiosity and dread. “How do you even know that?”

Heechul shrugs. It's a delicate gesture that offers little comfort. “Let's just say, I know a guy who knows a guy who got booked for solicitation.”

_Okay._ That doesn’t sound ominous at all.

“Don't you have a better idea?” Yunho flops onto the bed face-first. He wonders if this conversation would’ve been better if he’s drunk. “Something that doesn’t run the risk of me having to defend myself in court?”

“You can always go by yourself. I heard your mother’s trying to set you up with another one of her friend’s daughters?”

Yunho groans. And grabs a pillow to press over his head because this whole thing is a nightmare. Maybe if he suffocates himself, he’d be spared the horror of Jihye’s impending nuptial. Not that he isn't happy for her, because he is. Ecstatically so, especially because he'd been quite worried about the kind of guys she dated in the past. It's just that going back to Gwangju for the ceremony would mean he's going to have to face the girl who dumped him two years ago _and_ navigate possible marriage interviews at the same time. He's also despairing over the phone calls from his mother, asking if he still remembers that sweet girl who used to go to his high school? Or that one friend of a friend of a friend who just came back from overseas?

He knows that she means well. He’s just not interested in relationships right now. And. Well. He’s still trying to figure out how he can gently break the news to her that he’s—

—gay. Very gay.

Like, ‘would happily get bent over questionable surfaces by attractive guys’ kind of gay.

“This sucks.” It comes out muffled, half-absorbed by cotton and memory foam, and he lifts his head long enough to mutter, "Fine. Hook me up.”

Heechul smiles and there is something decidedly sinister about the slant of his lips. “I’ll make some calls.”

Yunho grabs another pillow and prays for a quick, merciful death.

 

.

 

“Hello, I'm Shim Changmin.”

Yunho squints at the tall, extremely good-looking guy standing on his doorstep. “Um? Hello?”

“Your friend contacted me,” the stranger said, by way of explanation. Probably because of the confusion plastered all over Yunho’s face. “He said you need my help?”

“If you're here about the pipes—”

An eyebrow arches. Yunho has the distinct impression that it’s a very judgemental eyebrow. "I'm here about the wedding."

Yunho blinks. His brain catches up with his mouth a bit too late when he blurts out, "You're the hooker?"

The smile he gets in response is more amused than offended, which is fortunate because Yunho is usually a lot more coherent but, it’s seven in the morning and he’d stayed up all night preparing legal briefs for a very complicated case that’s being presided over by a very fickle judge. He shouldn’t even be out of bed yet, much less navigating complex cognitive functions.

"Escort. I'm the escort. Nice to meet you."

 

.

 

The thing about Changmin is that he's very professional about this whole _'I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend for my sister’s wedding because I can't let my ex know I'm still single after our break up and my mother is trying to marry me off to any eligible young woman_ ' shenanigan. As if it's all part of his resume. Maybe it is; Yunho wouldn't know. He isn't really well-versed with the minute details of an escort's dossier. What he does know is that Changmin comes across as competent and business-like, two things Yunho can appreciate and they do wonders in settling his nerves. He invites the man inside and leads him to the kitchen area, well aware that the condition of his living room can only be charitably described as a disaster.

He pours Changmin some coffee and excuses himself under the pretence of changing into more appropriate clothes.

If he chooses the pair of jeans that’s a bit tighter around his ass and a newer, less stained t-shirt, Heechul isn’t there to call him out on it.

Changmin is all clean lines and neutral colours, the cut of his clothes tailored to emphasise his striking physical features. It makes Yunho wish they’ve met under different, much better circumstances. One that doesn’t involve him introducing himself as a loser who can’t even get a proper date for a wedding. He has to avert his eyes when he realises he's been staring at that porcelain-smooth skin and wide, plush lips for too long. It’s been a while since he last got laid and his current hours at the firm isn’t conducive for actual relationship, one of the reasons why he’d agreed with Heechul’s insane proposition. He crosses and uncrosses his legs, stares at his new purchase (for the lack of better words) from across the table. After a lengthy silence, he says, “This is... legal, right? I'm not gonna get arrested or anything?”

Changmin smiles, the very picture of zen. “Of course. I'm just accompanying you to a wedding. How is that against the law?”

Yunho’s stomach is making gymnastic manoeuvres and he has to drag his eyes away when he finds himself staring at Changmin's mouth. Again. "So let me get this straight." He clears his throat. “I'm paying you for the weekend to pretend to be my boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“You can act, right?” Changmin looks mildly offended and Yunho scrambles to apologise. “I didn't mean— it's just—” He scrubs a hand over his face, shoulder slumping in defeat. "I'm not used to this whole... lying thing.”

"Most people would consider that a good thing." Changmin leans forward, eyes crinkling around his smile. Yunho has to fight to not flush. "I’ll follow your lead, so don’t worry too much about it.”

Yunho doubts it’ll be as easy as that, but Changmin’s confidence is strangely reassuring. If he isn’t involved in the escort business, he thinks Changmin would’ve made a pretty good therapist. Over coffee, they decide on the details of their first meeting and a few memorable dates, just in case that topic comes up during the visit. Changmin asks about Yunho’s family, listening attentively as Yunho garbles through the introduction and jotting a few notes down on a small, leather-bound notebook. A lot of immediate family members would be around, but Yunho’s more concerned about avoiding the nosier, older relatives who would want to know who Changmin is.

“Do your parents know that you’re—” Changmin pauses for a half-second. “—that you prefer guys?”

Yunho grimaces. He wishes his face isn’t turning red, but that’s one of those pesky bodily functions he can’t control. Like his attraction to tall men with amazing skin and sharp cheekbones and very, very beautiful eyes. “It— came up?”

Several years ago. Very briefly. Yunho had shoved that particular discussion into the back of his head, preferring to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Changmin sighs. “Yunho, perhaps it’s best if you talk to them properly first before deciding to bring a boyfriend home for a weekend, especially since it’s your sister’s big day. It’s not the kind of surprise you can spring on them thoughtlessly.”

Being chided by someone he’s paying an exorbitant amount to pretend to be said boyfriend is, frankly, embarrassing. Yunho scratches the back of his neck, avoiding Changmin’s eyes when he says, “I know. But it’s okay. It’s about time I— we talk about it.”

Changmin’s expression softens. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“That's settled then." The crinkled, smiling eyes are back. Changmin nods and gets to his feet, heads towards the door. Probably late for some other escort-ly duties. Yunho isn't jealous. Not really. "Since we’re flying out, I’ll see you at the airport on Friday. You can mail me the flight details later." He pauses, already halfway out of the door. "Ah, one more thing."

“Yeah?”

“It's an extra 550,000 won for sex.”

Yunho stares.

And just— stares.

Changmin's smile doesn't falter, but he's already angling away. “If you're interested.”

Yunho is still staring into empty space fifteen minutes after Changmin had walked off, trying to convince himself not to have a heart attack.

 

.

 

**TBC**

 

.

 


End file.
